Since we're already touching America- Terrorist territory, I might as well include this:
There's washing powder, and there's stain remover... And there's this
Remember that oversized book 'Where's Wally?' Well, there's a new version published specially for the CIA.
Title also interchangeable with: Bush: "IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL NATIONAL INFILTRATION!?"
And there's more! Jihadjoe's sexy sidekick!
Not a particularly nice view, mind you. But at least it's not New Jersey - where they'd have just taken his house against his wishes:
News Report: House is an island
Developers have turned a house into an island in China after the owner refused to move out.
Developers turned a house into an island after the owner refused to move out in Chongqing city, China /Lu Feng
The villa now stands alone in a 30ft deep man-made pit in Chongqing city, reports Jinbao Daily.
The Chongqing Zhengsheng Real Estate Company wants to turn the area into a £40m 'Broadway' square, including apartments and a shopping mall.
But the owner of the villa says he won't move out unless the company pays his price - the equivalent of £1.3 million.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
---------
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,"They will in a minute."
---------
A Sunday school teacher w as discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
---------
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
---------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher: she's dead."
---------
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the
face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
--------
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
---------
I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, "NO!
I was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
----------> LOL
Even the president doesn't know EVERYTHING! 
Or maybe he knows nothing?
Click to enlarge. 
96Fm Beat the dictionary challenge: simply create a NEW word that makes sense in context, and win a round trip to Bali! 
Want to travel back in time? Respond to the following --->
Never seen anything like this before --->
Ever seen that movie Transformers? The one with the cool I-am-so-cool-and-can-become-anything robots from another planet where technology rules and dominates all man? -- Yeah, that one. Well, now you can be just like them.
Here's the winner of a costume competition. No pain involved, promise. Selling on eBay for $9.90.
It comes in red, blue, green, hot red, spicy purple, and flowery pink! :P
Ready to kick some BAD-people ass? Well, it is now time to take on your destiny!
Just follow the steps indicated. Shirt sold separately. :P 
... Be advised. The following image may be found to be disturbing by some.
--->
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Humans, we just weren't designed to fly.
...A few SUBTLE reasons why flying may not be in your best interests.
A Bangladeshi Bimian plane, having skidded off the runway after hitting a large puddle of water while landing.
Pilots on the mobile phone! They should really think about implementing the no-mobile-while-driving rule for pilots too. 
A simple case of, "Oops! I forgot the brakes!"
And you'd think they were trained to shut a door! --->
This is one broken nose that just can't be fixed!
If you're aware of the above, and are still going to fly, make sure you go out first class!
In news.. Yeah right!
---> I hope you like your Star Wars! <---
The best selling software not known to man?!
Funny: Are you talking on the phone? Or growing a brain tumor?
0 comments Posted by sнαz* at 11:55 PMMobile phone radiation and health concerns have been raised, especially following the enormous increase in the use of wireless mobile telephony throughout the world. Mobile phones use electromagnetic radiation in the microwave range, and some feel this may be harmful to human health... ... ... Blah blah blah!
BUT NOT ANY MORE! With a breakthrough in evolutionary engeneering, a new product range of safe-to-call mobile-distancing, radiowave-reducing hardwaree will be introduced into the market shortly --->
Technology taken to another level altogether!
Bringing you the ultimate hands-free device! Today is history, tomorrow better not be this.
Think it would be fun to have a 'bitchy' computer? 
• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
• BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
• Close your eyes and press escape three times.
• File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
• Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
• Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
• Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
• Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
Garden Grass Snakes, also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis),
can be dangerous.
Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.
A couple in Morro Bay, California, had a lot of potted plants. During a
recent chilly spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to
protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of
the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it
go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked
to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the
sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that
time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the
snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to
lie still, and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests, and loaded him
on the stretcher and started carrying him out.
About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency
Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.
That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on
a neighbour.
He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up
newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone
and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she
felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, and the snake
rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbour, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to
revive her.
The neighbour's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery
store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her
husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him
out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbour
lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he
had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small
bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now the police had arrived.
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a
drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the
women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbour and his
sobbing wife.
The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the
policemen drew his gun and fired at it.
He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over
and the lamp on it shattered, and as the bulb broke, it started a fire in
the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the
window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped up and
raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and
smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by the neighbours who called the
fire department.
The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were
halfway down the street.
The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the electricity,
and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they
did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was
repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was
right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold
snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should
bring in their plants for the night.
That's when he shot her.
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